just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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