Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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