I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
