So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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