textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
