I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
