dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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