two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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