When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
