I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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