peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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