so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
