Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
