I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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