anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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