I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
