Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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