??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
