I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
