Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
