If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
