Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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