I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
