i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
