We got so high we made milksteak
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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