He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
