ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
