Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
