i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
