he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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