just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
