One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
