In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
