you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think your dad took our porno
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
