He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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