i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
