I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
