its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
