I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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