fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
