this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
