I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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