you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
