It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
