You kept calling me your small dog last night.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
