i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
