Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
