Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
