I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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