I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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